Why do some women attract the wrong kind of men, while men who fascinate them never call back?
Have
you ever found yourself trapped between two kinds of
men: those who want you and those that you want to be
with? Perhaps you have dated lots of good guys who were
nice, educated and fairly successful, but for some
reason they didn’t appeal to you. However, when you
finally met the “perfect” guy, the one who really
impressed you, he never called back or he told you it
would not work.
Possibly
you were surprised, since you are not the sort of woman
who experiences rejection very often. Actually, many men
would be happy to date you. However, when you finally
felt fascinated by a man, he did not feel the same.
Has
this ever happened to you? If the answer is positive, I
want to inform you that you are in good company. Many
women find themselves in the same Catch 22 situation:
they do attract men, but not the type they are looking
for. It happens so frequently that any number of
complicated theories have been developed to explain the
situation. Let us address some of the common
explanations for the “non-reciprocity phenomenon”.
Your
best friend’s explanation: Forget him; he’s a jerk. He
isn’t worth it.
There’s
nothing better than listening to a supportive and loyal
friend, but deep inside you know that she’s wrong. He
was not a jerk; actually, he was a sweet, polite and
intelligent guy. And he is definitely worth
it!.
The
chauvinist’s explanation: Typical woman -- disrespecting
good guys and chasing the ones who do not give a damn
about her! You deserve his
rejection.
The
chauvinist is wrong — as usual. Your love is not a prize
that should be given to any man for only being nice and
interested in you. Desiring to get the best that you can
is human nature. When it comes to success in life,
insisting on getting the best is called “decisiveness”
and “ambition.” Surely it should be the same when it
comes to finding the right man?
Your
grandmother’s explanation: You’re too choosy, my dear.
Start compromising; otherwise you’ll stay single
forever.
Sometimes
Grandma is right, and sometimes she wrong!. Some women,
indeed, behave in an immature way and are able to reject
a good guy just because of his pants color. If this
seems like you, please check your priorities ASAP. But
if you are not that kind of woman, and your desired guys
are obviously better (more mature, educated, successful,
attractive etc.) than the undesired ones, let yourself
be “choosy.” Being in a relationship is
impossible without compromises, so be loyal to your
choices while looking for a relationship.
The
psychiatrist’s explanation: If you reject every
interested guy and are attracted to an indifferent one
then you don’t really want a relationship, or you are
still immature. Or both. A good therapist could solve
your problem.
You
know what? A good therapist could never damage anybody.
But deep inside, you know that you are mature and ready
to be involved in a relationship. You just want it with
a man of your choice.
Is
there a way to reverse the “non-reciprocity phenomenon”?
Well, yes there is. It is possible to
attract the absolutely perfect guy and persuade him to
give you a chance? However,
in order to overcome this obstacle, you should
understand the mechanism of the modern dating
reality.
Just
like any other part of our lives, having the right
spouse has become in modern society a means to
self-fulfillment, achievement, and success. Think of a
woman 150 years ago; being married to healthy,
hard-working spouse who was not drunk all the time was
perceived as evidence of her great success. Today,
everybody expects you to marry at least a good-looking,
well-educated, successful, well-behaved,
talented, and witty
man.
It would not be a mistake to say that
the man of your choice will probably the best one you
can get.
The
environment in which to get a man is getting tougher all
the time.
Men are not as obliged by society to get married
as women are. A 40 year old man can allow himself to be
single and still be considered successful and
attractive. Therefore, a man will see you as a
“relationship material” and commit to you only if you
suggest to him a great additional value, something that
can improve his quality of life. Men are not looking for
a partner only to share an apartment with. They want to
upgrade their lives, they want an entry ticket to a new
world – one that is better than the one they have or at
least more interesting.
Here
are some examples of additional values that a
relationship can contribute to a single man:
1.
Mental
support, enjoyable company of a real soul mate, an
enriched social life.
2.
A
stable, intimate life shared with an attractive
woman.
3.
Satisfied
emotional and sexual needs.
4.
An
upgrade in social status if the female partner is
educated, talented, successful, belongs to a valuable
community, etc.
5.
A
sense of achievement due to the public recognition of
his ability to achieve an attractive, successful
woman.
The
greater the overall additional value you can suggest,
the bigger the chance he will prefer you to other women
and be attracted to you.
One
can argue that if a man falls in love he is indifferent
to your “value”. But, unfortunately, in most cases,
people meet prior to falling in love. And if the man
perceives you as a potential source of life improvement,
he will be more likely to let himself fall in love with
you. Furthermore, even if a man was already excited
by you, it would still be important to him to ensure
that his future relationship would be socially accepted
and perceived by his relatives and friends as an
achievement.
So
the way to solve the problem is to go reciprocal. How do
you do that?
How do you become
“the-best-woman-that-the-best-man-can-get”? It is
obvious that you can’t become another person overnight.
But if your purpose is to attract the kind of man you
were not able to attract before, you have to do some
work on yourself. Luckily, it is neither impossible nor
very difficult.. Keep in mind that most of us are hiding
great potential deep inside that remains
unrevealed
during our superficial communications with
men.
You certainly have much more to offer than most of your
male acquaintances
realize.
Think
of it in terms of the labor market. Everybody knows that
if you want a job it is not enough to be a good worker.
You must prepare a resume that represents you in the
best way; you must dress properly; and you must
emphasize your upsides and hide the downsides. If you
want a really good job, an employment consultant can
suggest ways to improve your existing skills, to learn
new skills, and to behave in an impressive manner. Even
so, when it comes to romantic relationships, many
destructive
beliefs can
appear, starting with “Your man needs to love you as you
are” and finishing with “Impression management kills
spontaneity and romance”.
Actually,
the dating scene is very much like every other
competitive environment. In order to attract the best
man, it isn’t enough to be a valuable woman. You also
must maximize your potential and “market” yourself
properly. Here’s an important point to consider: it is
very likely that your most desirable man is also the
greatest “marketer” of himself!
Self-marketing
has nothing with arrogance and boastfulness.
You can’t attract a man, just like you can’t get a good
job,
just by declaring
that you are the best. Your man (like an HR manager)
must see your
inner qualities.
The
book
Meet & Keep the Right
Man
dedicates
a great deal of advice and analysis to the issue of
self-optimization. Self-optimization is a way to
self-improvement and impression management, which is
based on your real, existing upsides. For instance, you
can optimize yourself in the field of appearance by:
1.
Revising
your closet: replace worn out and unflattering
clothes with new and complementing ones, while adopting
an appropriate style that flatters you. This mission is
best done with the help of a female friend who has good
taste or from experienced salespeople at good clothing
stores.
2.
Maintaining
your face’s skin meticulously by cleaning it,
persevering in daily care, visiting the beautician, and
regularly using proper make up.
3.
Maintaining
a reasonable level of daily physical activity in order
to feel better and to be healthier and more
energetic.
Notice
that there’s absolutely no need to change your life
completely in order to look better. You can improve your
looks to a great extent just by slightly adjusting your
lifestyle in a way that enables you to be more
physically attractive.
You
can also optimize yourself in the field of environment
by:
1.
Keeping
your house and car always clean and
well-organized.
2.
Decorating
your house and
car
in the best way your budget allows.
The
connection between home and car improvement is not
obvious. However, a comfortable, cozy car and apartment
can make you feel more self-confident and keep a better
inner balance. These qualities usually make a woman more
attractive in a man’s eyes. Furthermore, when a man is
exposed to your relaxing, enjoyable environment, he is
more likely to become a part of it.
