As
you know that there are many women who date frequently
but have difficulty in sustaining a lasting relationship
with a man. They are not necessarily less beautiful,
smart, charming or successful than many happily married
women. However, some of them are unable to move from the
“dating” mode to the “relationship” one. There are even
some amazing women who find it impossible to date a man
for more then a month. In three parts this article
attempts to explain the phenomenon.
1.
Five
delusive myths
many
women believe which destroy their chances of developing
loving relationship with men.
2.
Five
deadly mistakes that scare men
off
3.
Five
deadly mistakes and how to avoid
them
As
I’ve already mentioned, there are many women who
date
many men but never seem to keep one. They’re not
necessarily unattractive. Some of them are good-looking,
intelligent woman. However, something is wrong.
These
women are rejected not because of what they are. They
are rejected because they act in the wrong way. Now, I’m
about to disclose to you five myths and five deadly
mistakes which are responsible for their (and probably
your) failure to get and keep the right man. Ready?
Five
delusive myths
many
women believe which destroy their chances of developing
loving relationship with men.
#1
Myth: “If he didn’t love me, he wouldn’t be with
me”
I’ve
heard this phrase from many women who wasted a lot of
time trying to get some commitment from unavailable men.
They’re trying to convince me (and themselves) that
there’s still a good chance of building a relationship.
They said, “If
he didn’t love me, he wouldn’t be with me”. However,
those women were wrong. Remember the 3rd day
lesson? For a man, there are three categories of woman:
totally unsuitable ones, totally suitable ones, and ones
who are suitable only for a short affair. It
is possible for a man to want to be with you on
different levels. There is one who wants to build a
future with you, there is one who wants to meet you from
time to time as long as he has no one else who is
suitable, and there is one who wants to go out with you
(and perhaps with others) in order to decide whether you
are suitable for him at all. The fact that your new
partner stays with you for a month, two, or three does
not necessarily indicate a commitment to a long-term
relationship.
Part
5.3 of the book Meet &Keep the
Right Man suggests
better ways of checking whether he is “into you”. Merely
being with you is absolutely not enough to be sure of
this.
#2
Myth: “Sex is very important to men, so it’s possible
to
attract a man by giving him great sex, or by refusing to
have sex with him until
he
expresses
his feelings”.
The
only right thing about this myth is that sex is
important to men. But if you think that giving or
withholding sex can convince a man to commit to you,
you’re absolutely wrong.
No
man will commit to a relationship only for getting good
sex. During their entire lives, men are socialized and
directed to set their feelings apart from their sexual
life. They are highly encouraged to have more sex but
only to commit to really special women. Therefore,
there’s hardly a man who is ready to be in a
relationship with no sex, but most men definitely can
have sex, enjoy it, and strive for it, without a
relationship.
Imagine
a man who isn’t into you. Can having great sex really
change his mind? Probably not. At best, you can convince
him to be your permanent sexual
partner.
Now,
imagine the same man. Can withholding sex really change
his mind? Again, probably not. At best, you can
drag him into a seduction game that will end as soon as
he “achieves” you.
The
right thing to do is to build your relationship
predominantly on a mental and an emotional basis, and
have sex with your partner only when it serves your own
needs. If you are still unsure about the timing of
having sex, you can see part
5.t of the book Meet & Keep the
Right Man that
deals with this topic in more detail.
#3
Myth: “Men are from Mars, and Women are from
Venus”
This
myth states that men are completely different from
women, and they have a “mannish” psychology that women
must understand. The myth states that you can’t have a
healthy relationship unless you learn how to “understand
men”.
The
truth is that every man is completely different, not
only from most women but also from other men. You can’t
understand him by merely thinking of him using
stereotypically patterns such as “a man needs his
space”, “a man doesn’t share his feelings”, or “a man is
a hunter”. To understand your man, you must think of him
as an individual, not as a clone who shares the same
qualities with three billion people.
It
is also true that you can’t build a healthy relationship
with somebody who lives on another planet. If your
partner is so unbelievably different from you, put aside
the pop psychology, and look for somebody who can get
closer to you.
#4
Myth: “Love can make me happy. Without it, I’m
miserable”
Love
is a great thing, that’s for sure. But if you want to be
loved by somebody, you must, first of all, be able to
manage your life even if there’s no love in it. Your
future partner is only a human being, not a legendary
hero. His aim is to find a reliable partner, not to
rescue a lonely, miserable girl of no value, whose whole
world depends on somebody else.
Just
like you, we all want to receive, to gain and to enjoy
more than we could if we were not in a relationship.
Your future partner is no exception. A woman whose life
is full, who does not need problem-solvers, healers, or
someone to fill the emptiness in life, is by the nature
of things more able to provide greater added value to
her partner. Her world is saturated and rich, and this
is why anyone would be happy to be with her.
The
happier your life is while single, the better the chance
that somebody will choose to share it with you. This is
a paradox, but you need to accept it – and make it a
reality.
#5
Myth: “Men know what they want, and they can tell you
how to lead them to fall in love with me”
Many
women believe that since they are looking for a man,
they should ask a male advice about love and attraction.
However, while merely taking advice can’t harm anybody,
you should never completely rely on one man’s views.
In
real life, men aren’t necessarily reliable sources of
information on the topic of attraction for the following
reasons:
- There
is a crucial difference between the sorts of woman a
man claim he wants and the woman he will fall in love
with in real life. Many men claim they want an
available, loving, loyal, and patient woman, who will
agree to everything they’ll say and admire every
breath they take. Despite this, they are never fall in
love with this kind of woman. Surprisingly,
many men tend to pick the assertive woman who is aware
of her value and proves to be most worthy of their
efforts.
- The
attraction mechanism is mostly unconscious. A man
doesn’t necessary know what exactly caused him to fall
in love.
- As
I’ve already mentioned, men aren’t all the same. The
pattern that irresistibly attracts one man may scare
off another one.
Five
deadly mistakes that scare men
off
#1
Mistake:
Trying
to attract and get a man by revealing your feelings to
him too early.
Some
women believe that merely sharing their feelings and
expressing their love verbally will
melt
a man's heart.
This
is absolutely wrong. Every man wants, of course, to be
loved by the woman he chose. However, no man will fall
in love with you just because you say you love him. At
best, your love will boost his ego; at worst, he will
take advantage of you and enter into a seduction game.
Furthermore,
the more attractive he is, the less he needs this kind
of ego boost. You are surely not the first who pays
attention to him. If he’s an honest, good man, he’ll
probably take a break away from the relationship just to
avoid more heartbreak.
So
for the first few weeks, keep your feelings to yourself.
Let him believe that you are a mature, emotionally
stable woman whose heart isn’t opened to everybody. Let
him strive for your love, and he’ll value it all the
more.
#2
Mistake:
Ignoring
the obvious signals men send to
you.
Every
man possesses a set of feelings, attitudes, and
behavior. While a man you just met may be unlikely to
share his deepest attitudes and feelings with you,
behavior can be easily observed.
Here
are some clear signs of his being “not into you” that
woman sometimes tend to
ignore:
- He
claims that he isn’t ready to
commit.
- He
refuses to plan ahead. Only
towards the end of the day can he tell you whether he
is free for you or not.
- His
ex just broke up with him, and he talks about her all
the time.
- He
makes you his lowest priority. The times you suggest
meeting are never convenient, and he is willing to
meet only under circumstances of his own choosing.
However,
many women prefer speculating about men’s feelings to
observing these obvious types of behavior. Indeed, they
invest enormous efforts in complicated psychological
analyses based on the “Mars – Venus” theses: “He needs
more space”, “Man seeks dominance”, “He suffers from
separation
anxiety, but if
I’ll show him an unconditional love he will change”,
etc.
Want
to know more about the signs a man might send?
The
third and fifth chapters of the book Meet &Keep the
Right Man devote
a great deal of advice and analysis on this topic.
#3
Mistake:
Trying
to please him in order to convince him to be with you.
Some
women believe that they can attract emotionally remote
men by showing them how good they are. “Since men are
rational”, thinks such a woman, “once my partner will
realize how good, patient, loving, and generous I am,
he’ll choose me over all the other women who aren’t as
sacrificing as I am”.
The
problem is that the choices of the heart are often made
irrationally. You can convince a man to admit that
you’re the best woman, but you can’t convince him to
love you.
For this reason, many sacrificing women were left
by their partners for reasons like: “You are too good”,
“You deserve much more”, or “It’s not because of you,
but because of me”.
#4
Mistake: Pushing him to behave in a “committed’ way.
When
a man feels committed to a relationship, he may express
it by introducing his friends and parents to you, asking
you to move in, referring to you as his spouse,
girlfriend, etc.
If
you have been going out for a long time with a guy and
are ready for commitment but still can’t see any of
commitment signs on his part, it can be frustrating.
However,
this process does not work in reverse. You can push him
to meet the parents/ move together/ plan your wedding,
but these forced signs can’t cause a true commitment.
So,
if you feel emotionally involved and heavily committed
before he is, and you believe that his equal involvement
is only a matter of time, you should rather wait than
push.
Anyway, it’s alright to make suggestions, but do
it without clinging and pushing.
#5
Mistake: Making the same mistakes again and again rather
than learning.
Many
women insist on making the same mistakes in their
romantic lives and are unable to change their behavior.
Have you ever heard of any of these excuses?
“I’ve
always picked jerks”.
“For
more than three years, I’ve never been in a serious
relationship”.
“Guys
always break up with me since I’m too good to play
games”.
Do
you have some excuses of your own?
If
you do, I want you to know that you have the power to
stop it. If you
are serious about breaking the dizzying, unsuccessful
dating circle and learning how to approach, attract, and
keep the man of your dreams, visit the
Meet
& Keep the Right Man website.
