As you know that there are many women who date frequently but have difficulty in sustaining a lasting relationship with a man. They are not necessarily less beautiful, smart, charming or successful than many happily married women. However, some of them are unable to move from the “dating” mode to the “relationship” one. There are even some amazing women who find it impossible to date a man for more then a month. In three parts this article attempts to explain the phenomenon.
1. Five delusive myths many women believe which destroy their chances of developing loving relationship with men.
2. Five deadly mistakes that scare men off
3. Five deadly mistakes and how to avoid them
As I’ve already mentioned, there are many women who date many men but never seem to keep one. They’re not necessarily unattractive. Some of them are good-looking, intelligent woman. However, something is wrong.
These women are rejected not because of what they are. They are rejected because they act in the wrong way. Now, I’m about to disclose to you five myths and five deadly mistakes which are responsible for their (and probably your) failure to get and keep the right man. Ready?
Five delusive myths many women believe which destroy their chances of developing loving relationship with men.
#1 Myth: “If he didn’t love me, he wouldn’t be with me”
I’ve heard this phrase from many women who wasted a lot of time trying to get some commitment from unavailable men. They’re trying to convince me (and themselves) that there’s still a good chance of building a relationship. They said, “If he didn’t love me, he wouldn’t be with me”. However, those women were wrong. Remember the 3rd day lesson? For a man, there are three categories of woman: totally unsuitable ones, totally suitable ones, and ones who are suitable only for a short affair. It is possible for a man to want to be with you on different levels. There is one who wants to build a future with you, there is one who wants to meet you from time to time as long as he has no one else who is suitable, and there is one who wants to go out with you (and perhaps with others) in order to decide whether you are suitable for him at all. The fact that your new partner stays with you for a month, two, or three does not necessarily indicate a commitment to a long-term relationship.
Part 5.3 of the book Meet &Keep the Right Man suggests better ways of checking whether he is “into you”. Merely being with you is absolutely not enough to be sure of this.
#2 Myth: “Sex is very important to men, so it’s possible to attract a man by giving him great sex, or by refusing to have sex with him until he expresses his feelings”.
The only right thing about this myth is that sex is important to men. But if you think that giving or withholding sex can convince a man to commit to you, you’re absolutely wrong.
No man will commit to a relationship only for getting good sex. During their entire lives, men are socialized and directed to set their feelings apart from their sexual life. They are highly encouraged to have more sex but only to commit to really special women. Therefore, there’s hardly a man who is ready to be in a relationship with no sex, but most men definitely can have sex, enjoy it, and strive for it, without a relationship.
Imagine a man who isn’t into you. Can having great sex really change his mind? Probably not. At best, you can convince him to be your permanent sexual partner.
Now, imagine the same man. Can withholding sex really change his mind? Again, probably not. At best, you can drag him into a seduction game that will end as soon as he “achieves” you.
The right thing to do is to build your relationship predominantly on a mental and an emotional basis, and have sex with your partner only when it serves your own needs. If you are still unsure about the timing of having sex, you can see part 5.t of the book Meet & Keep the Right Man that deals with this topic in more detail.
#3 Myth: “Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus”
myth states that men are completely different from
women, and they have a “mannish” psychology that women
must understand. The myth states that you can’t have a
healthy relationship unless you learn how to “understand
The truth is that every man is completely different, not only from most women but also from other men. You can’t understand him by merely thinking of him using stereotypically patterns such as “a man needs his space”, “a man doesn’t share his feelings”, or “a man is a hunter”. To understand your man, you must think of him as an individual, not as a clone who shares the same qualities with three billion people.
It is also true that you can’t build a healthy relationship with somebody who lives on another planet. If your partner is so unbelievably different from you, put aside the pop psychology, and look for somebody who can get closer to you.
#4 Myth: “Love can make me happy. Without it, I’m miserable”
Love is a great thing, that’s for sure. But if you want to be loved by somebody, you must, first of all, be able to manage your life even if there’s no love in it. Your future partner is only a human being, not a legendary hero. His aim is to find a reliable partner, not to rescue a lonely, miserable girl of no value, whose whole world depends on somebody else.
Just like you, we all want to receive, to gain and to enjoy more than we could if we were not in a relationship. Your future partner is no exception. A woman whose life is full, who does not need problem-solvers, healers, or someone to fill the emptiness in life, is by the nature of things more able to provide greater added value to her partner. Her world is saturated and rich, and this is why anyone would be happy to be with her.
The happier your life is while single, the better the chance that somebody will choose to share it with you. This is a paradox, but you need to accept it – and make it a reality.
Myth: “Men know what they want, and they can tell you
how to lead them to fall in love with me”
Many women believe that since they are looking for a man, they should ask a male advice about love and attraction. However, while merely taking advice can’t harm anybody, you should never completely rely on one man’s views.
In real life, men aren’t necessarily reliable sources of information on the topic of attraction for the following reasons:
- There is a crucial difference between the sorts of woman a man claim he wants and the woman he will fall in love with in real life. Many men claim they want an available, loving, loyal, and patient woman, who will agree to everything they’ll say and admire every breath they take. Despite this, they are never fall in love with this kind of woman. Surprisingly, many men tend to pick the assertive woman who is aware of her value and proves to be most worthy of their efforts.
- The attraction mechanism is mostly unconscious. A man doesn’t necessary know what exactly caused him to fall in love.
- As I’ve already mentioned, men aren’t all the same. The pattern that irresistibly attracts one man may scare off another one.
Five deadly mistakes that scare men off
#1 Mistake: Trying to attract and get a man by revealing your feelings to him too early.
Some women believe that merely sharing their feelings and expressing their love verbally will melt a man's heart.
This is absolutely wrong. Every man wants, of course, to be loved by the woman he chose. However, no man will fall in love with you just because you say you love him. At best, your love will boost his ego; at worst, he will take advantage of you and enter into a seduction game.
Furthermore, the more attractive he is, the less he needs this kind of ego boost. You are surely not the first who pays attention to him. If he’s an honest, good man, he’ll probably take a break away from the relationship just to avoid more heartbreak.
So for the first few weeks, keep your feelings to yourself. Let him believe that you are a mature, emotionally stable woman whose heart isn’t opened to everybody. Let him strive for your love, and he’ll value it all the more.
#2 Mistake: Ignoring the obvious signals men send to you.
Every man possesses a set of feelings, attitudes, and behavior. While a man you just met may be unlikely to share his deepest attitudes and feelings with you, behavior can be easily observed.
Here are some clear signs of his being “not into you” that woman sometimes tend to ignore:
- He claims that he isn’t ready to commit.
- He refuses to plan ahead. Only towards the end of the day can he tell you whether he is free for you or not.
- His ex just broke up with him, and he talks about her all the time.
- He makes you his lowest priority. The times you suggest meeting are never convenient, and he is willing to meet only under circumstances of his own choosing.
However, many women prefer speculating about men’s feelings to observing these obvious types of behavior. Indeed, they invest enormous efforts in complicated psychological analyses based on the “Mars – Venus” theses: “He needs more space”, “Man seeks dominance”, “He suffers from separation anxiety, but if I’ll show him an unconditional love he will change”, etc.
to know more about the signs a man might send?
third and fifth chapters of the book Meet &Keep the
Right Man devote
a great deal of advice and analysis on this topic.
#3 Mistake: Trying to please him in order to convince him to be with you.
Some women believe that they can attract emotionally remote men by showing them how good they are. “Since men are rational”, thinks such a woman, “once my partner will realize how good, patient, loving, and generous I am, he’ll choose me over all the other women who aren’t as sacrificing as I am”.
The problem is that the choices of the heart are often made irrationally. You can convince a man to admit that you’re the best woman, but you can’t convince him to love you. For this reason, many sacrificing women were left by their partners for reasons like: “You are too good”, “You deserve much more”, or “It’s not because of you, but because of me”.
#4 Mistake: Pushing him to behave in a “committed’ way.
When a man feels committed to a relationship, he may express it by introducing his friends and parents to you, asking you to move in, referring to you as his spouse, girlfriend, etc.
If you have been going out for a long time with a guy and are ready for commitment but still can’t see any of commitment signs on his part, it can be frustrating.
However, this process does not work in reverse. You can push him to meet the parents/ move together/ plan your wedding, but these forced signs can’t cause a true commitment.
So, if you feel emotionally involved and heavily committed before he is, and you believe that his equal involvement is only a matter of time, you should rather wait than push. Anyway, it’s alright to make suggestions, but do it without clinging and pushing.
#5 Mistake: Making the same mistakes again and again rather than learning.
Many women insist on making the same mistakes in their romantic lives and are unable to change their behavior. Have you ever heard of any of these excuses?
“I’ve always picked jerks”.
“For more than three years, I’ve never been in a serious relationship”.
“Guys always break up with me since I’m too good to play games”.
Do you have some excuses of your own?
If you do, I want you to know that you have the power to stop it. If you are serious about breaking the dizzying, unsuccessful dating circle and learning how to approach, attract, and keep the man of your dreams, visit the Meet & Keep the Right Man website.